1pagesFanficNo more spandex
No More Spandex: Magneto and the X-MenNo More Spandex
E-mail: Fandom: X-Men the MovieDisclaimers:All characters belong to the Marvel Entertainment Group
and Twentieth Century Fox, and are used without permission, for
entertainment purposes only. Images on this page are property of
20th Century Fox. No infringement upon the rights of Marvel and Fox
should be inferred; nor is any intended.
Lycra Spandex is a wonderful fabric with amazing technical properties that has received a bum rap in many ways.The negative attitudes of certain characters towards this fiber most emphatically do NOT reflect my own views. To learn more about this amazing fiber see and/or to buy Lycra Spandex in a myriad of forms and colors go to to learn about sewing with it go here:
Characters: Most main film characters, two Mary Janes.
Rating: PG. Humor.Mention of anatomical parts as they relate to clothing.
Summary: How Magneto and the X-Men got new non-Spandex superhero costumes.
Author notes: Dedicated to Louise Mingenbach and Bob Ringwood, costume designers of the X Men film, who did a splendid job.
No More Spandex
Im not kidding, I saw the screen! Bobby insisted.
No way!Dont all the school lab computers have Net Nanny installed on them? Kitty objected.
You can get around that easy!I do it all the time. Remy countered.
Ill bet you do, pervert. Jubilee replied.
Besides, Mr. Summers has the password anyhow.
I still dont believe you two saw Mr. Summers surfing a Bondage site. Kitty maintained.
Those two are full of sht.Lets go to the lab and see. Jubilee grabbed Kittys arm and dragged her down the hall to the lab, where they poked their heads in the door.They tried to crane their necks around it well enough to see the image Mr. Summers had up on the monitor; before they could, they were startled by Dr. Gray, coming up from behind them.
Do you need something? She asked, nearly making the girls jump out of their skins.
No! Jubilee stammered.That is, yes, we were just going to check Kittys e-mail.
How about you girls check it in the morning?It is past lights out, you should go to bed. she said, but didnt bother to see if they complied.She sailed into the lab towards Scott, and leaned over him affectionately, blocking their view of the monitor, and plunking Professor Xs school credit card down beside the keyboard.
Are you sure you want to do this Scott?I dont know if I really like the idea of Black leather
The girls made a b-line to the dorm so fast that Kitty slid right through the closed door.
What was that? Scott asked Jean.
Just a couple of the girls. she sighed.Stop trying to change the subject.I still dont see why we need new uniforms.
Because I feel like a dork in blue Spandex, thats why!
Superman wears blue Spandex.Besides, Spandex shows off your best feature, Jean kidded him, patting him on that area.
Yeah, great, just the image were trying to project.What about protection?I want something solid, that wont melt to my skin if somebody throws flames at us.These new style suits are padded, flame proofed, and lightly armored.They are the latest technology in super-hero gear.
This is really aboutThe Matrix isnt it? Jean asked.
How are we going to wash them?Have you thought of that?
Well send them to the cleaners.
Great, and while theyre at the cleaners what do we do?Hold off saving humanity till they get back?
Well get TWO sets, Jean. O.K.
Wont that cost a lot?I mean
The Professor says its OK, I cleared it with him already.
He thinks its a great idea.
Fine, she sighed Im glad YOU TWO worked it all out.Consulting me or Ororo wouldnt occur to you, of course.
Ororos fine with it, Jean.He answered, As long as she still gets to wear a cape like before.
If Mystique were here, Magneto thought, this disaster would never have happened.
His old uniform had been getting on his nerves for a while now, but getting a new one just now was not the sort of thing he wanted to have to deal with while planning world domination.
He had looked at it in his closet this morning, dangling on a hanger looking rather limp and sad.It had once seemed so dashing (and even, he preened, sexy) but now when he put it on, it sagged in spots, and was beginning to pill in sections best left unmentioned.He tried putting it on, and decided it looked like
. the lean and slipper'd pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side,
His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank
The red color (his favorite) was looking less like the Master of Magnetism, he decided, and more like the Commedia del Artes most notable old lecher.The effect was emphasized by the tendency of any garment he worked in to electro magnetically attract lint, which stood out sharply against the bright red and purple of the body suit.
Maybe, if he washed it, it would perk up a bit.
He went to the utility room where the washer and dryer were kept.Mystique, otherwise the most compliant of lovers and assistants had absolutely insisted on getting them.While she happily embraced some of the most menial of traditional female tasks in an effort to please Magneto, she absolutely had drawn the line at hand washing clothes.
Probably, he mused, because she didnt wear any.
So Magneto had ordered the most high tech washer-dryer set sent in, complete with a special order brushed-steel surface, to match the rest of the buildings Bauhaus Dungeon décor (as Toad called it).
He was now regretting it.The controls were so complex, he decided, they would take an engineering degree to figure out.He couldnt find the manual, and somehow, phoning Senator Kellys office to ask Kellys trusted aide how to run the washer, he felt could possibly blow Ravens cover.
So he fiddled, and pushed buttons, and tried to get the water as hot as it could go.Maybe if it shrunk a little it wouldnt show how much weight hed lost since hed bought it.After it finished he threw it in the dryer for an hour for good measure.
I thought you liked our old uniforms, Professor. Jean pleaded with Xavier.
Hmm he hesitated, uncharacteristically. Ive always been very fond of the old uniforms all of you have had.But the new leather ones that Scott suggests, are even better I think.
But dont you think that they look she paused kind of kinky
Youre simply having a problem with Scott, arent you? The Professor asked Jean, switching the subject.
It just annoys me how he railroaded us over this uniform thing. She sighed.I liked my Marvel Girl uniform.And he even lied to me about Ororo.
He did? that surprised him.
He said that she thought it was a good idea too.
But she does.
She does? Jean looked incredulous. With leather costumes?Our vegetarian, tree hugging, nature mother likes the idea of LEATHER costumes?
Yes actually. In fact she suggested it.
You are kidding, right? Jean smiled.
No. Xavier smiled back.You see, when she calls down lightning storms, it gives her a terrible problem with lint.
Lipchitz Tailoring. How can I help you? chimed a young female voice on the phone.
That threw him for a moment.Hello.I was calling for Rolf, is he in?
Yeah. She replied, then shouted loudly off the phone Grandpa! Somebody wants you!
In the room beyond, Magneto heard Wait a minute, Sylvie, Im coming.Who is it?
Whom shall I say is calling? Sylvie asked.
He says hes Erik Lender he heard in the background.
Thats Lenscherr, Sylvie, not Lender.Rolfs voice grumbled, Hes my best customer, not a bagel. then, on the phone:Hiya, Eric.What can I do for you today?
Who was that? Magneto asked.
My granddaughter Sylvia.Shes a freshman at FIT
, so shes having me teach her tailoring.Lipchitz replied.So what can I do for you?
Now that he was on the phone, he felt awkward broaching the subject.Um.Well.I was wondering if you knew where I could get a . sort of costume.
A costume?Well, Id say Matera is probably the best in New York. I can look up their phone
No, no, I dont mean THAT sort of costume . He paused, unsure how to go on. I shrunk my old one in the dryer and now the Spandex is tight enough to make my
Ahh! THAT kind of costume!Well, Id say your best bet would be ordering on the Internet .I had no idea you were into that too.... He then whispered into the handset: There is a site called Lycra Lust Spandex Sissies that has everything you could ever want on it.I never order from anyplace else.
There was a long pause before Magneto replied.
Mmm.Well, actually, that isnt quite it either. This was getting more awkward by the minute.Can you keep a secret? he almost hissed into the phone.
Like, you think my wife and four kids know about my Lycra? Rolf, hissed back, anxious not to alert his granddaughter in the next room.Like I dont know dirt on you already since 45?Who are you kidding Erik?After what we both went through in our lives, now when were in our 70s, you think Im going to flip out because some kinky costume floats your boat, and start getting righteous on you?
You have a point.
Just spit it out.What do you need?
A new super-hero uniform.
You mean you like to dress like Captain Marvel or something?
Actually, Im Magneto.There was a pause.In real life.
MAGNETO? Rolf choked.Are you shitting me?
No, actually. Magneto purred.He loved it when he got this kind of reaction.
As my Granddaughter would say, Far out.So, you want a Spandex super hero uniform.
As a matter of fact, I was calling you because I dont want one.I went online and checked the usual catalog, you know, dot com, and the new one thats popular now with all the black leather super hero gear, and I decided Im getting too old to enjoy cavorting about in public looking like Im in painted-on fetish wear. Besides, the Lycra gets lint all over it. They arent comfortable, they look absurd, and Id rather wear a suit, or a sweater as usual.
You cant do that! Lipchitz expostulated.
Well I absolutely will NOT wear Spandex again!It looks so dated
Well, if you dont want leather, and you dont want Spandex, what do you want?
I was thinking, maybe, you could make me some sort of special wool suit.I love your suits Rolf, Armani has nothing, in my opinion, half as classic as a custom Lipchitz. "Lay on the butter Erik", he thought to himself "Rolf won't do a really weird custom order unless you flatter his ego a bit..."
But a super hero cant wear a regular suit!
"The very conclusion you were supposed to reach, Rolf" he thought. Then design me some sort of special suit. How hard would that be?
For me, plenty.I think in terms of the classics: double breasted, single breasted, three button, Norfolk, tux, tails, you name it, I do it, but Im not exactly a fashion designer, so if
Well, I suppose the leather would Magneto interrupted.
Now wait, Erik, dont give up.As I said, I, cant do it, but Sylvie, she can I bet.Rolf insisted, She has a good eye.And she is up on all the latest fashions, and is getting pretty good at tailoring.
Oh. Magneto paused, delighted to have the problem solved so neatly. That sounds like it might work.
How about this:I give you Sylvia to talk to.You tell her EXACTLY what you do and dont want.Ive got your measurements, and in two weeks you come to New York and we do a fitting.
That sounds wonderful.
O.K.Ill get you Sylvia. He said, then shouted off SYLVIE!I NEED YOU TO TALK TO MR. LENSCHERR!Sylvia apparently came closer, and he briefed her quickly in a more normal tone that Magneto couldnt hear.
Hello, Mr. Lenscherr? This is Sylvia Lipchitz.Grandpa says you want me to design you a super hero suit.
Yes, Sylvie.Im looking for something that will look good while Im flying, maybe with a cape, not wrinkle too much, and wont show lint.
My super-power is electro-magnetism, and whenever I use it I get covered in LINT.Its really beginning to annoy me.
Sylvie giggled for some time, and said:Have you tried Static Guard?
I buy it by the case.It barely helps though.
Well leather tends to shed lint, how about we make you a suit out of that?
No.Leather boots, maybe, but a leather suit would just make me look like an old KGB officer.What I want is something dignified, and simple, out of cashmere or vicuna. Is there some color that wont show lint too badly?
Gray works pretty well.
Magneto sighed.How about red or purple?
The lint would really show up with that.We could do a liner on the cape in red though.
Purple would be better.
Gray and purple it is.Summer or winter weight wool?
Winter.Its for an outdoor event next month.But if it works out Ill probably order a summer set as well.
Buttons? Zippers? Pockets? she asked.
Velcro.No metal parts, and keep it simple as possible.I have a utility belt for storing tools.
Overall look?Sexy? Comic? Futuristic? Retro? Scary?What concept are you shooting for? Sylvia said.As a designer, it really helps if you have a concept.
Dignified, yet attractive. Magnus explained:Im the leader of the Brotherhood of Mutants.
Is that like the Knights of Columbus or something?
More or less, he conceded. Is that all?
I think so, she replied.So, well see you in two weeks?
What is it Bobby?Kitty asked.Whats so exciting?
Bobby motioned them to the front hall of the X Mansion, and brought them up to a large stack made of six big plain brown cardboard boxes.
So the UPS man brought more science equipment. Remy sneered, Big deal.
Does that look to you like the back address of a science equipment company? Bobby asked.The other two leaned over one of the stacks of boxes.The label said SUPER LEATHERMAN.Kitty gasped.Remy sniggered.
What do you suppose they could do with six whole boxes full of that kinda stuff?
Maybe, the basement they are always sneaking off to is a B&D dungeon! Remy volunteered.
Do you suppose he ties her up, or she ties him up? Bobby asked.
Maybe the Professor ties them both up!
You two are GROSS. Kitty said, and ran off.
Whats her problem?Remy demanded.
No problem. Bobby smiled.Shes just running to tell the rest of the girls.
The bell rang when Magneto crossed the threshold of Lipchitz Tailoring.It was one of those small old shops in Manhattan that have an unwashed front window, are scattered with weird vintage sewing equipment, and strike the uninitiated as probably being cheap and near bankruptcy.On the contrary, going to Bergdorfs and getting a designer suit off the rack would be cheaper.Lipchitz was semi retired, and didnt take new clients of late, and pretty much could name his price when he made a suit like the perfect black one Erik was wearing today.
Lipschitz always made one wait, as well.
Magneto actually liked the wait.He always got a little thrill of anticipation before his fittings, and liked to savor them.Just as the wait began to turn to tedium, Rolf always appeared.
Mr. Lenscherr? chirped the female voice from the phone.
He turned to see a pretty young girl with electric purple hair, with matching eyes and vinyl mini dress.Surprise was writ large on his features.You must be Sylvia.
She led him to Rolf, who was steaming a garment in back, and left them together.Ill go get the trousers.
I had no idea you had a granddaughter who was a mutant! he smiled at Rolf.
I dont. Rolf, replied as Sylvie returned.
He says you look like a mutant in that getup. Rolf said to her disapprovingly.
Its in at school, grandpa.She returned.To Erik she said, Its just colored contacts and Manic Panic dye, Mr. Lenscherr.Dont you think it looks fun? she inquired as she posed in a position that showed off much more of her vinyl-clad form than he would have wanted showing on his own granddaughter.
Most original. He offered, ambiguously.He was suddenly glad he would not be getting a fitting in Spandex with this girl doing the pinning.
Beyond that, the fitting went well.The garments were better than hed even hoped, and required typically few alterations. When it was over, and he was back in his regular black suit, Sylvie came up and began questioning him.
Rolf was busy hemming the pants, and Magneto thought it couldnt hurt to flirt a bit with the infant.
Ive never heard of a super hero who was a Yid before. Sylvie smiled.
Well whether you would call me a super-hero or super villain depends pretty much on whether you agree or disagree with my political views.
That is so right on, Mr. Lenscherr. Sylvie enthused. My boyfriend is a mutant, and HE says that Senator Kelley wants to round up mutants and lock them up or even kill them.
You have a mutant boyfriend?
Yea, but dont tell Granddad.
He wouldnt approve of you dating a mutant? Eric asked.
Oh, hes ok with that, its just that David is only half Jewish, and his dad is some WASP headmaster of a private school in Westchester, and Granddad doesnt like him.
Eric smiled.Such a small weird world.
So, like, how does your super-power work?
I can generate and control fields of electro-magnetic energy.
Oh.Is that useful? she asked.
He supposed that the scientific curriculum at FIT was probably not very taxing.Sylvie was a great little designer, but seemed to have the scientific understanding of a philodendron.
With magnetic fields I can move, bend and otherwise control metals.I can disrupt or enable power systems at will, and can cause myself, and other objects, to fly. He explained.
COOL!Sylvie said.Can you, like, demonstrate or something?
It usually isnt advisable indoors, except in an emergency.
Oh, come on! She begged. She leaned forward enthusiastically, giving an amazing view of what Erik imagined were some of her chief charms.It will be fun ..please
Oh why not. He said.After all, if he fried the nearby electric iron, he could afford to get Rolf a new one.It would be fun to amuse the infant.
So he sent out waves of energy and levitated Sylvies chair, and floated it about a foot off the floor.He zipped it about the room, while Sylvie giggled like the kid she was, then set it down, drawing the energy back to him with a snap-crackle-pop that sounded very impressive, but was harmless.
Or, nearly.Magneto coughed, suddenly embarrassed.He half-heartedly brushed at his clothes, which were suddenly extremely fuzzy and gray.
I suppose its to be expected that a tailors workroom would have a LOT of textile fibers floating around in it. He opined with resigned understatement.
Oh, Mr. Lenscherr, Im SO SORRY.Sylvia cried.
Its no great harm he sighed, really.
There was an awkward pause before Sylvia said:.
I see what you mean about the lint though.